


Escaping his Shadow

by charybdis_nerdrage



Series: Soul Searching [3]
Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Angry Athena, Gen, I suggest reading the previous parts in the series, Timothy goes to Pandora, Timothy visits some old friends, barely any, but I'm not your mom, just putting the warning there just in case, mention of suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22860007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charybdis_nerdrage/pseuds/charybdis_nerdrage
Summary: Timothy decides to fly to Pandora to meet some old friends from his Elpis days. But there's still one thing holding him to Jack, maybe his old friends can help him undo that connection one way or another.
Series: Soul Searching [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629115
Kudos: 14





	Escaping his Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> There's a small mention of suicidal thoughts, but it's not directly mentioned. The mindset it specifically described. I'm putting a warning here anyway, because I know how some people could get triggered over that kind of thing. 
> 
> I'm just looking out for y'all.

Timothy’s flight in the brand new ship,  _ The Odyssey, _ felt completely fresh, like whenever he had replaced his older books as a kid. That familiar joy in something knew comforted that empty pit in his heart that used to be himself. After Rhys had helped him so much by repainting his ship, getting him new clothes, and getting him a new detachable hand, Tim already felt like a completely new person. The ship itself was just as small as it had been when he was first given it at the casino. Nothing had changed, it was the same ship Flak and Zane had trusted him with, but this time the interior’s color scheme was maroon, silver, and with accents of black. The cot in the corner had been upgraded to a more comfortable padding, so he wouldn’t hurt his back during his days of space travel. 

The paranoid part of Timothy was suspicious of how quick he and Rhys had become friends, only after one or two heart-to-hearts. But the better part of him affirmed that  _ No, only Jack would be paranoid about his friends. And you aren’t Jack. You’re anything but. _

Currently, his ship was set for Pandora. It had been for a few days. Tim had dug some digging on his own, and found out the location of a small farm on the edge of the Eridium blight. He knew some old friends lived there, and if not, well, he had the new Atlas pistol that Rhys had given him as a parting gift. Pandora was coming into sight now. The brown and blue planet padded with big fluffy swirling clouds in the atmosphere. He had been here a few times, and thanks to his time on Helios he was quite familiar with the view. 

The planet, although Tim hated to admit it, was gorgeous. Especially from the view of his ship. He looked out through the window at the dangerous planet, then Tim’s eyes drifted to Elpis. That damned moon.

The thick red cracks marked those huge lava rivers Tim had to jump so many times in the old days, they sprung out over the dark blue surface of rock and death. The same moon where he had killed so many people. It hadn’t been his first, but there were so many people just fighting for the right thing. He still thought about it, all that bloodshed. Although it wasn’t as bad as during the trip. Athena caught him crying during the night more times than he’d like to admit. Timothy winced at the memory, then he realized something was gone.

Where was Helios…?

He could feel panic creeping up his spine. Where had it gone? Why had no one told him? Had everyone known? Who crashed it? Timothy took a staggered step away from the main console, the back of his knees buckling against the seat of that comfortable maroon and black chair. His eyes widened, focused on the spot in the sky where that formidable station had once been.

Everything was on there. All the proof, all the photos, all the messages. All the evidence that Timothy Lawrence had even existed. It was all gone. Timothy Lawrence was gone. Tim shook the thoughts away and pulled down his cot so he could sit down.

Tim let loose a panicked whimper from deep in his throat. He felt lost, like he was spinning out of control. The only doctors on that ship that knew how to reverse everything were gone. The fucking contract he signed to get into this hell was probably long gone too, and it was all ashes on the small border planet below. Tim tucked his knees in close to him, hugging them comfortably tight against him. Tim covered his eyes, trembling slightly as he sunk deeper and deeper into that helpless hole.

_ Timothy Lawrence isn’t just legal papers and photos. I am Timothy Lawrence.  _ He reminded himself. The thought seemed to ease his mind, at least temporarily. He looked back up at the window.

Pandora was getting bigger and bigger, Elpis now out of sight. 

His body felt tired, like the energy had been drained from him in only a few seconds. He let out a heavy sigh, relieving some of the tension in his chest so he could haul himself up from the cot. He wiped his eyes as he plopped back into the chair in front of the console, strapping himself in and looking down at the brown and blue planet. He sniffled, he still wanted to cry. He wanted to cry more than anything, but he didn’t.

If he could thank his previous job as a doppelganger for one thing, it would be for the ability to hide his tears.

-

Pandora was gorgeous from far away, but in Tim’s opinion, some spots were just as pretty on the surface. Especially in the Eridium Blight, even through teary eyes. He knew he was the only one with that opinion, but that didn’t bother him.

Maybe it was something about the familiar purple creases in the rock and rubble, maybe the huge jagged purple and gray mountains that really made the view perfect. Or maybe there was something strangely nostalgic about the streams of Lava near the volcano. Timothy didn’t need to explain himself, at least, he hadn’t had anyone to explain it to in the past decade.

The ship touched down in the barren field just a little bit away from a small house. It was walking distance, thankfully. Tim highly doubted the old catch-a-ride systems would let him get in at least a 20 foot radius before something shot him and his DNA on sight. He got up from his seat and hid his eyes with his new silver tinted goggles, then proceeded to cover his mouth and head with a thick, forest green scarf. His face was covered now, and after he had a bag over his shoulder, his pistol and echo on his hip, and all the tears wiped off his jacket, he hopped down from the doorway of  _ The Odyssey _ . The wind blew, and Tim stopped for a moment to feel the sensation. He hadn’t felt that in over 7 years, being outside felt surreal, even if it was Pandora. He started walking through the dirt, letting the ships doors glide close with a smooth click. A hand hovered over his pistol in case anyone in that house tried anything.

When he stepped up to the house, he tried kicking the dirt off his boots and onto the porch. The front of the house was charming, a metal door in the front with a mailbox just next to the stairs up to the railed porch. Pipe railing ran over the edges, with the occasional potted flower hanging off the old rusting pipes. Timothy stepped up nervously and knocked on the door with his flesh hand, the metal one still safely hovering over his pistol. The door opened, and out peeked that familiar black marketer. Janey Springs.

She looked older, which wasn’t a surprise. He assumed he was the only one of the group that had been physically barred from aging until he was at least 70. She frowned deeply and started turning back into the house to call someone. 

“Uhh-” Tim began, quickly realizing he did not have a plan whatsoever. “I’m Tim. _ Oh tits _ , you might not remember that name..” He stepped back from the door awkwardly, averting his gaze as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She looked confused and worried.

“‘this some sort of prank?” Janey narrowed her eyes at Tim, looking him up and down. It was like she was scanning him for anything suspicious. The double searched his mind for anything she might recognize. Finally he found something.

“Not-Jack! From elpis!” He put his hands up as if to surrender to any bullet coming his way. However, Janey’s eyes lit up with excitement.

“Not-Jack?” Janey blurted. “Is that really you? You look so different! Come in, please!” She let the door open wide for Tim, and a wave of relief hit him. He wouldn’t die just yet. He walked in and kicked off his boots, leaving them just by the door. He wanted to make a good first impression, really show that he was polite, and not like Jack.  _ Was he proving that to Janey, or to himself? _ He left his goggles, scarf, and coat on a nearby coat rack and followed Janey deeper into the house.

The house itself was cozy, for Pandora. The walls were covered in an off-white wallpaper, and the floor was either a cheap hardwood or covered in blue carpeting. Tim stuck his hands awkwardly in his jean pockets. He felt somewhat comfortable, which Tim didn’t even know was possible on Pandora. 

“So… how have you been?” He asked awkwardly, looking at Janey. They had stopped in a living room, and Janey was excitedly straightening the lumpy throw pillows.

“Oh I’ve been wonderful,” She laughed, practically pushing him to sit down on the couch. Tim nervously scooted up to the far end of the couch, leaning on the arm of the seat. “What about you? I’m sure you got up to real exciting things over the years.” 

“Uh… no not really.” Tim sighed softly. “Being Jack is actually really boring, I was… inside a lot. In a sense.” He didn’t feel like explaining everything right this moment. Everything on Pandora was already exhausting, and he hadn’t been here for more than 10 minutes.

“Janey!” A voice interrupted from the entrance of the living room. Oh shit, it was Athena. He could recognize that voice from anywhere. Tim looked up from the couch and back at Athena. She was just as terrifying as when he worked with her on Elpis. “Why the _ fuck _ is he here?” She growled, staring daggers into Tim’s face. The double felt his skin crawl.

“It’s Tim!” Janey announced. “The double from when we first met!” 

“Well I know that-” Athena looked away from Tim and back at Janey, folding her arms over her chest. “I’m asking why the hell you let some ex-hyperion lacky into our house!” 

“Because he’s our friend, Athena, he’s my friend. He deserves some hospitality! Especially from friends.” Janey stressed to her. Athena sighed heavily and turned away.

“Fine. But he’s doing the dishes.” Athena grumbled.

Janey beamed and practically skipped out of the room, probably going somewhere else. Athena looked up at Tim with an angry glare.

“Listen,  _ idiot.  _ The only reason you’re still breathing is because Janey trusts you. And I’d get digested by a skag if she asked me to.” Athena spat, hatred and loathing thick on her tongue. “So you’re gonna go to the kitchen, sit down, and enjoy dinner. And if you so much as  _ touch  _ Janey, a bullet will be in your head faster than you can come up with another idiotic excuse. Got that?” Tim gulped heavily, nodding slightly. Athena narrowed her eyes and leaned forward. “I said,  _ got that?”  _

“... yes ma’am.” Tim mumbled.

“Good, now follow me. I made grilled skag meat and potatoes.” 

Tim immediately got up and obediently followed, fearing for his own physical safety.

The dinner tasted nice, it had just the right amount of seasoning, and it actually tasted like food, which was new for skag meat. Timothy sat in front of Janey and Athena, quietly eating. He was too intimidated to start any conversation. Thankfully, Janey went first.

“So Tim… why now? It’s been like over a decade since elpis, you could have visited whenever.” Janey began. Tim swallowed his food and cleared his throat. He knew he’d have to cross this bridge eventually.

“It’s complicated…” Timothy admitted. “I don’t know if you’d want to hear it. The story is mostly about Jack.”

“If it tells us why you bothered showing up, then go ahead.” Athena said with a scowl. Janey shot an angry glare at Athena before looking back at Tim with a friendly smile. 

“Go on, Timmy, I wanna hear a real story.”

“Fine, fine,” Tim leaned his elbow on the table, thinking of where to start. “Well, I was still working for Jack, even after 4 years. I think it was tearing me apart. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t even really eat. I just ate when I was forced to, and I did what I was told more than anything. One day, I went to Jack and begged him for a break. Some sort of vacation. He said sure, I could go down to his casino and hold down the fort while he went down to Pandora and dealt with some vault hunters getting in his business. Then I left.”

That was only the beginning of the story really, but Tim let it hang in the air so he knew that Athena and Janey were listening.

“When I arrived, everything was worse. There were more rules, and my entire job was to rip people off of their money and lives. I felt worse, but I knew it was better than going back. Jack came around sometimes, then one day we got the news.” He sighed softly. He hadn’t actually explained this story to anyone else but himself, so it felt strange to have it all come spewing out over dinner. “Jack was dead, and Jack didn’t tell me that when he died the Casino would go on permanent lockdown. We were stuck, me, the other doppelgangers, and everyone in the casino. Some of the doppelgangers tried to help people with their universal access, get them food and shelter, but they were killed pretty quick. Others used their access just for power, they were killed just as fast, some even by me.” 

Tim remembered those doubles. They were so cocky, he couldn’t let them keep tormenting the poor people that didn’t ask to get stuck. He killed them, either in cold blood or pure justice, Timothy couldn’t decide.

“I was the last one left. I did what none of the doppelgangers did and I used my access to hide. I hid from everything, even after the rest of the casino went insane. I spent my time on the downlow, I accepted my death. I waited to die for 7 whole years until the vault hunters came and found me. They helped me get out, sent me to get a new look and a new ship, and then I tried to find you two. I just needed someone to talk to that was familiar. I’ve met too many new people over the past few weeks. I need some sort of familiarity.”

Janey reached across the table to touch his metal hand, as if to show him she cared.

“It’s okay Tim, I’m not mad at you for showing up. I’m really glad you got out of there, you can stay as long as you’d like, no matter what Athena says.” Janey offered. Athena looked at Tim and scowled.

“You’re sleeping on the couch, and if you’re staying here you’re doing the dishes and pulling the weeds.” Athena grumbled. Timothy nodded.

“Thank you for understanding and letting me stay. I really needed someone to go to.” Tim thanked them wholeheartedly.

Dinner was finished not long after, and Timothy quickly got up and took the empty plates to the filthy sink. It worked immediately. It wanted to prove to Athena that he was worth trusting and keeping around. And if that meant dishes, he would do it.

He already felt welcomed, at least by Janey. Pandora wasn’t a bad idea. Maybe things would work out here on the border planet.

-

Tim had worked his ass off to stay in the house, though he was just sleeping on the couch. Janey had at least offered him a real pillow and blanket. Pulling weeds was an old skill he used to have back when he lived with his mom as a kid. It only took some small reminders, but finally he was pulling up weeds and tossing them into the rusty metal bucket for Athena to take and dump into the river of lava below the cliff on the edge of the plot. The sun felt new, and comforting to him. It had been years since he felt something like it, or even watched a sunset.

He was watching the sunset, all his chores done for the day. He should head inside soon, Janey had warned him the Rakks set to the sky when the sun set, but he couldn’t tear himself away from the gorgeous red sky. Tim watched, his feet dangling over the cliff edge as he comfortably sat on the edge of the garden plot. He didn’t notice the footsteps behind him. He flinched slightly when Athena sat next to him.

“You coming inside? Janey wanted me to come get you before the Rakks made you their dinner.” Athena grunted. Tim just nodded and looked out at the sky. Athena looked out at the view as well. “‘Probably haven’t seen a view like that in years, huh?” Tim merely nodded in response. They sat there in silence for a moment, maybe Athena was admiring the gorgeous orange horizon too. Finally, she spoke up. “Why did you do it?” 

“Huh?” Tim looked away from the sunset and back at Athena.

“Why did you keep working for Jack?” She asked. “And I don’t want that ‘I was a coward’ bullshit. I’ve heard it before.”

“I uh…” Timothy cleared his throat and leaned back on his hands, now looking back to the sky. “I’m sorry Athena, that’s the main reason why. I was a coward, I still am. I guess I just wanted to be important.” 

“That sounds selfish and stupid.”

“It was.” Tim sighed heavily. He would have to admit everything to Athena before she could trust him, right? “When I got out of college, I searched for a job. Nothing. I came up with nothing. Food started getting short, and I was having trouble sleeping too. My old friends from highschool had jobs, some of them were married, some of them went out to party every friday, while I was stuck in a cramped apartment, eating one cup of noodles every other day and then sucking it all up. Then, I got a job at Hyperion. The most bare-bones internship I could find. My soul was practically stomped on.

I worked every single day for every week, I worked my ass off too, but I still couldn’t get the money. I was nobody. I was a lost little cog in a crowded machine that didn’t care if I lived or died. My last thoughts during that time were that  _ I might as well die, if life is gonna push me to it. _ So I went to a bar. I spent everything I had. I wanted debt, I wanted to swim in it. I wanted to have a reason to starve myself. Then Jack walked into that bar, and changed my life for the worse.

He saw me, just some kid, down on my luck. I wanted to be Jack, I wanted people to care about me, I wanted to be somebody. So when he offered me a mysterious job, my drunk ass took it. 

In a way, Jack saved me in his own twisted way, by throwing me into the worst decision of my life. The reason I went back to him was because I knew I had nothing else. Back then I thought it was either take the job or starve.” When Timothy finally finished, he and Athena were both silent, not looking at each other.

“I understand.” Athena said softly. “I understand being pushed into the bubble where no one cares, where nobody would blink an eye no matter what horrible things happened to you.” Timothy nodded.

He felt his flesh hand reach up and touch the mask still bolted to his face. With a strange surge of relief, freedom, and confidence, he started undoing the aged metal clips.

“What are you doing…?” Athena watched him get up, the damaged mask in his hand. Tim held a hand over his damaged face, adjusting to the blindness in one eye. He finally uncovered himself and looked at Athena.

His face was scarred just like Jack’s, it made Athena visibly wince. The deep pink scar burned deep into his face and over his once green eye. Tim looked at Athena.

“I’m throwing this away. I don’t need it. I don’t need him keeping me bolted down like this. He’s long dead, and I’m free. I  _ want _ to be a nobody again. I want to be nothing, because that means I can just be free. I don’t have to live in his shadow.” He finished his speech, pumping himself up. Tim looked down over the cliff and to the bubbling orange below, then, he held the mask out over the cliff and let it drop.

Tim felt his heart drop, as he watched the mask fall through the air. He knotted his hands into fists, keeping himself stable as he watched the mask hit the surface of the lava, bubbling as the thick synthetic material melted and then faded away. It was gone now, all gone.

Athena got up and gave him a pat on the shoulder, then she helped push him back inside the house.

Tim slept peacefully that night, for the first time in years. 

He was free, and he was surrounded by people that cared.

Jack was dead, but Timothy sure as hell wasn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually really proud of this small entry to the series. Not only is it my longest short piece ever, but I also think it's really well written, I really did try my absolute best with this entry, and I hope you like it!
> 
> My tumblr is @charybdis-nerdrage, if you wanna follow me for updates on when I post. Also I'm super active on there, so you can message me whenever.


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